Dear London Entrepreneurs,
Are you looking for the next big thing? Here’s some hints — these went over BIG in the US, and shamefully they have NOT been leveraged to their full potential in England:
1. Donut Fail: Krispy Kreme has cornered the entire UK donut market. Which is great if you like your donut to send you immediately into hyperglycemic shock. However, I myself am partial to the more cake-y texture of Dunkin’ Donuts, or better yet, how about one of those old-fashioned donuts perfected by this place in Ocean City, NJ or this place on Nantucket, hot and freshly rolled in sugar? Mmmmmm…
2. Burrito Fail: Despite the fact that certain trendy Mexican places have sprung up around the city (including our familiar MacDonald’s affiliate, Chipotle), these British burritos still fall far short for this American. (To be fair, living in Austin pretty much spoiled me for Mexican and Tex-Mex.) Might I make a special request, London, that you find a way to import decent tortillas and corn chips that do not taste like cardboard? Many thanks.
3. Margarita Fail: In a vein similar to the above, why is this magnificent cocktail so overlooked in this “cultured” metropolis? Also: #whereareyoudarkandstormy? #whyaremartinisservedinsuchsmallglasseshere? #FILLITTOTHEBRIMplease!
4. Cheetos Fail: Given the deep adoration of “crisps” in this country, particularly when imbibing, I have no idea why these fluffy synthetic orange treats have not yet taken this nation by storm.
5. Gatorade Fail: Last week I ran the Royal Parks Half Marathon and they tried to give me something called Lucazade. Gross.
6. Chocolate Chip Fail: Chocolate chunks are present here. Chips are not. Why?
7. Graham Cracker Fail: I’m at a loss when I explain these delights to my British co-workers. “Something in between a cracker and a cookie”. There is no translation of this in Brit-speak. They look at me in bewilderment. “Like a biscuit?” they say. No.
8. Fabric Softener Fail: As I have hinted in previous posts, clean and crusty clothing is a fact of life here. They sell something called “fabric conditioner” which, as far as I can tell, softens clothes only psychosomatically.
9. Lara Bars: These magnificent fruit-date-and-nut bars were a godsend when I went totally Paleo for my 30 day challenge. Luckily, my intense month of Paleo-eating coincided with a trip to the US so I could stock up on these wholesome sweet treats. Whole Foods UK has not picked these up yet.